Making Space for more of Yourself

Over the course of our lives, we learn what emotions and behaviors are and are not acceptable to engage in. Some of us learn that it is not ok to be sad, while others may learn it is not ok to be happy, angry, assertive, quiet, or any other host of qualities. Certain parts are seen as good or are “wanted”, while others are seen as bad and “unwanted”. As time goes on and we increasingly ignore certain parts of ourselves by shunning and ignoring them as they arise, we create more and more internal tension. We live a pretend life, both lying to ourselves and others about what we are experiencing.

Pretending to only feel a certain way comes with side effects that can include but are not limited to:

• health problems, stress, and feelings of being disconnected from ourselves

• holding back what we really want to say and being authentic with ourselves and others

• losing energy and giving up on our goals

• relationship, family, and friendship problems

• being in a job that neither fulfills nor challenges you

So why are we so averse to certain emotions and characteristics? And why are all people not averse to the same ones? Plainly said, we grow up in different families and environments with different cultural norms that shape our worldviews. If a boy hears as a child that “men don’t cry”, he is learning that expressing sadness is taboo and may be punished. When we learn to fight emotions or characteristics within ourselves, we naturally find ourselves fighting those same emotions and characteristics in others.

What kinds of emotions or characteristics really bother you in other people? I invite you to journal about this and explore how it also bothers you when you exhibit those same feelings and behaviors.